on Friendships

There are times when you do something because you think it’s the right thing to do, or because you think you’re doing that thing for the best. There are other times when you let your emotions take control and suddenly you do things that, to you, are fine, but to others, may or may not be as fine. 

This academic year is over and I had decided to look back on that year with my dad the other day. I realized that day that I had messed up throughout the year. I’ve learned that a friendship should never be measured by how often you and your friends talk. Just because you and X talk almost every day, if not every day, doesn’t mean that the two of you have a healthy friendship. My dad gave me the example of his best friends from school. He told me that he and friend A only see each other once or twice every 2-3 years. He and friend B occasionally see each other, and sometimes 5-6 years go by without him talking to friend C on the phone or on Facebook. But do you know what my dad told me? He told me that even if all his friends are away, and that he barely talks to them on social media or barely even sees them, he fully enjoys their company once they get together. He tells me that when they do meet up after a certain while, it’s as if they were never apart. And frankly, I think that’s beautiful. 

Distance shouldn’t be an obstacle for friendship. It’s fine if my best friend and I don’t talk every day. What’s important is that when we see each other in real life, we truly live our friendship; we laugh, we joke around, we share some good stories, and we create some great memories.

Also, I’ve probably talked about this like a million times but I’ll repeat it again. You cannot own friendships. People aren’t ours. Just give them their space, and if they really want to be friends with you, they’ll also call you to make plans and to spend time with you! It wouldn’t be a one-sided effort, and you would face much less disappointments. 

That’s all I have for today. I hope this post was helpful for the ones among you guys who have been through similar situations. Until next time, stay positive, stay elegant, give people their space, smile more often, and keep blogging. 

On a side note, I really wanted to share these song lyrics with you, but there is no proper context to share them. However this song really means to me and it describes an emotional state I’ve spent a lot of time in and I thought you should know about it too. These are two verses from Some Day by Shinedown. 



— Maria H. 

Moments 

“Nick, stop!” Jane screamed as she followed Nick, who was running madly in the streets.

Nick had avoided getting hit by a car several times, but there is nothing that showed he will certainly remain alive if he continues running.

Jane ran recklessly, avoiding buildings and road signs, and tripped. 

She shrieked. She tried to stand up, but her ankle was too swollen. She cried, screamed in pain, and tried finding a way to stand up again but it was useless. She cried a little more and when she lifted her head, she saw a hand extended towards her, there to help her get up. It was Nick. 

“I can’t stand up,” she said.

“Stand on one foot. I’ll carry you.” 

He carried her all the way to the nearest bench and they both sat there. 

“I called an ambulance. They’ll take care of you,” he said.

Jane was silent. 

“Jane, I…”

“I don’t want to hear it. I’m furious. Why in the fucking world would you run like this?” 

“Jane, I was running away because it was the only way.” 

“The only way for what?” she asked.

“This might sound illogical, but it’s the only way to avoid facing my problems. I thought of running as far as I can, running away from it all. I couldn’t stand it, I was going insane.”

Jane sat there silent. 

She said, a little calm now, “Nick, you have no idea what it’s like to have to deal with something that kills you inside.”

“I think I do. All of what I’m facing right now proves that I do,” he said.

“There’s something I need to tell you…” 

“Nick,” she continued, “I…I am jealous and selfish.” 

“You? Selfish? Jealous? How does that even make sense?”
He looked surprised.

“I am fucking jealous of Rosie. I can’t handle the way she gets everyone to like her, nor the way her hair has volume in all the right places, nor the way she aces all her courses, nor the way she’s so good at everything she does, nor the way she took you away from me.”

Jane paused. Nick seemed to be puzzled.

“Woah, woah, woah,” he said, “Take me away from you? Where’s that coming from? You were always okay with me sometimes hanging out with other people.” 

“I thought I was but, Nick, I can’t stand seeing you so happy with her. What happened to Nick and Jane? The incredible duo? Our laughs? Our memories? Our late-night conversations?”

“Nothing has changed,” he continued.

“Oh, it has changed a lot. Nick, I apologized the first time for trying to pull you and Rosie apart but it is killing me inside. I can’t do anything but smile, but in reality, my heart is being torn into a million pieces.”

“I’m selfish because I want you all to myself, Nick Dawson. I don’t like it when Rosie interrupts our chats, when you talk about how much fun you two are having together. In fact, that breaks my heart.” 

“…It breaks my heart to see you so happy with someone else.” 

Nick remained silent, looked Jane in the eyes, and grabbed her hands.

“Jane, you are the most important person in my life. I would never want to make you feel unwanted or left out or replaced.”

“Well, you did.” 

“Would you let me finish? I have to remind you how special you are to me. And there’s only one way to do it…”

Nick was interrupted by the sound of thunder. The lightning blinded them for a second, and the rain started pouring heavily. 

“Looks like the universe wants to make things special,” Nick said with a smile.

“What’s happening?” 

“Grab my hand. I’m going to sweep you off your feet.” 

“You want to dance?” said Jane, “I can’t stand up.” 

“You don’t have to,” he said.

Nick immediately carried her in his arms and twirled her around about five times, and enjoyed every second her scared laugh.

He put her back on the bench, and she said, “I can’t believe you would spin me like that! Why would you do that?” 

“I want to hear you laugh. I want to hear you scream and hold me tightly because you’re afraid you’d fall. I want to hear you yell at me to put you down. I want to hear your breath as you try to calm down from all the spinning. I want you to love me again.” 

“I love you, Nick, you know that.” 

“The feeling is mutual. Now, anything else I could do for you before the ambulance gets here? It’s about time it arrives.” 

“Well, there is one thing…”

“Name it.”

“Hold me tightly, and protect me from the pouring rain. Hold my hand, and say you won’t let go, even during our darkest times. A promise for our friendship.” 

“Anything you want, milady.” 

He hugged her tightly and kissed the back of her hand. She blushed and they both admired the rain and looked at how wet their clothes got until the ambulance finally showed up. 

Confessions

Nick and I were invited to a birthday party the other night, and we were the last two people to leave. Even the girl whose birthday it was had left. It was 1AM, can you blame her? After all, she did get surprised big time that night.

We held the birthday surprise at one of our hangouts, The Lonely Corner. If you saw how crowded it always is, you’d think the name was pretty ironic. Anyway, behind The Lonely Corner lied a swing set. Nick was like, “Hey! I haven’t sat on a swing in ages. Look, I’m 10 again.” I sat on the swing right next to his and acted a little childlike myself.

Nick stopped swinging. He saw me rubbing my hands together and blowing some hot air into my palms, trying to feel warm. Before I knew it, he took off his jacket and covered my shoulders.

“No, Nick, now you will feel cold and I don’t want you to get sic-” I said, a little aggressively.

He insisted I wear it, and that was when he looked straight into my eyes. He smiled.

“You know what’s funny?” I said. “I never noticed that little twinkle in your eyes.”

“Well, you have beautiful eyes too… and they talk to me.”

“And what are they saying?”

“That I looked absolutely hot tonight,” he said, and we both burst out laughing. He then continued saying, “I don’t always tell you this, but when I want to, I don’t get the chance to do so.”

I shrugged.

“You know how we’ll be off to college soon? Yeah, well, among all the people that I could possibly stop talking to in the future, or all the people that I might let go of, I pray you’ll never be one of them.”

A smile was drawn on my face. I couldn’t believe what I was just told. You probably are wondering why I was so stunned, considering Nick and I were best friends and all, but what you don’t know is that Nick and I had had a huge argument a month ago, and made up after tons of apology attempts. You didn’t know about this simply because we didn’t tell anyone.

“I feel the same way,” I finally uttered.

Nick started blowing hot air into his palms. “Told you you’d feel cold,” I said, “My hands are warm now, hand me yours.”

I grabbed his frozen fingers and I could see he felt better. I looked at him firmly, and said, “Tell me something. Anything.”

“I love you.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Okay. I’ve been having a great time lately. Everything’s been going great; my football team won the finals, my grades are outstanding, and I have healthy relationships with everyone. I’m happy.”

I looked down, and bit my lip. Then I contemplated Nick’s face attentively. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How are you so good at everything you do? How do you maintain strong connections with everyone at all times? How do you not stress out all the time? How do you do it?

“Alright, fine. I want to tell you something I don’t usually talk about. The truth is I don’t know if I’m ready to go to New York for college. I’m scared, Jane. I don’t know how I’ll handle a long-distance relationship with Rosie. I don’t know how I’ll keep in touch with my parents all the time. I don’t know how I’ll handle being in New York while you’re here in Chicago.”

I grinned again.

“And who says I don’t stress out?” he continued. “I’m at the top level of stressing out right now. Oh, and one more thing: it’s important to keep in mind that the most essential thing is to be someone good, someone passionate, someone loyal, someone determined, and someone who loves. It’s hard, but I manage.”

“My best friend is so wise.” I said with a cheeky smile.

“I’m wise and am the way I am because my best friend always motivated me to be the best I can be. Because my best friend told me about a quadrillion times that life doesn’t stop at failure. Because my best friend was awesome to me, and I wanted to be like her to other people.”

“You wanted to be like me? But I’ve always wanted to be like you!”

“Yes, Jane. You’ve had a great impact on my life. You don’t know how many problems I had before we met. My parents were trying to help, but you made things right again.”

And at this moment, we stopped talking, started swinging again, looked at each other and laughed…and that was when we saw car lights. Our moms were here to pick us up.

“Bye, Nick.”

“Bye, Jane.”

“And…Nick? Promise me we’ll always push each other to do our best, and that no matter what happens, no matter where we end up in college, no matter in which country life puts us in, we’ll always talk.”

“I promise. I love you.” He turned around and headed towards the car.

“I love you way more,” I whispered as I watched him walk away.

So, Here’s the Thing…

Hi.

I’m just going to come out frankly and tell you what this is all about: I’m sorry.

The past period has been a collection of a lot of dark thoughts and well I have completely drifted away from the sole purpose of this blog. Which is why I’m sorry.

I’m not going to lie to you. I was trying too hard, and I forgot that the only reason why I started this blog was to share my opinions, perspectives, drawings and to basically be myself.

That sad side is not me.

I realized that I wanted to post writings and stuff and I wrote those sad things because I needed those thoughts for a project I’m working on. And by the way, I’m taking a long break from this project.

But this is not me.

Now. Onto the real business. How I came to this realization.

First, I was already getting tired of all this misery. Second, I met an amazing person who made me realize that I was not being me. And that is when it hit me.

I didn’t know where my obscure thoughts came from, because I have nothing in my life that contributes to the birth of these reflections. Nothing! I am thankfully blessed and a very happy person. So why hide it?

I’d like to say a big thank you to my friend who helped me open my eyes. I love you.

And finally, I say welcome back. To my old purpose for blogging. To myself. “Depressed” thoughts won’t be as frequent. At all. From now on, I’ll be me. Sharing my personal opinions, works, and especially my positive thoughts.

It’s Alright.

It’s alright to feel this way.

Listen to me.

It’s alright to feel like crying for no reason.
It’s alright to get all pissed off at something that might seem stupid to others.
It’s alright to feel in need of compassion when you’re feeling down.

After all, you are a human. You have feelings. Your emotions do take roller coasters. It’s completely human.

It’s alright to feel confused when it comes to choosing your future.
It’s alright to feel in need for advice.
It’s alright to have problems that you can’t seem to solve.

After all, you are human. You have full rights to ask for help. Life is there to put obstacles, but you can definitely ask for counceling. It’s completely human.

It’s alright if you face your insecurities at some point.
It’s alright if you feel the need to have a perfect nose, body, or hair.
It’s alright if you have moments when you feel confident, but then have others when you feel like crap.

After all, you are human. It’s normal to feel that you must have what you don’t have. So it’s normal for you to want to change yourself, as well as hate yourself at a certain moment. It’s completely human.

Listen to me. It’s alright. You are a freaking human being. You were born with feelings. Things can go from good to bad to worst in a glimpse of a second. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable, or unhappy, or even excited at some points in life. You know why? Because you were gifted with feelings. If you are feeling unhappy today, and feel the need to cry, because it seems like it’s your only option to let the sadness out, then cry. It’s alright. If you are put under extreme pressure, which makes you even more confused than you already are, seek help. It’s alright. Help is never wrong.

Just know, it’s okay not to be okay. And know that time heals.

It’s just an unhappy day, and it will pass. There will come better days, I promise.

Making Things Clear

It’s completely human and normal to be different, and let us make a few things clear…

Not everyone has to like you, or have the same music taste as you, or think in the same way you do.

Not everyone likes the same fashion as you, or laughs at your jokes, or enjoys the same movies as you do.

You don’t have to be actually depressed to feel empathy.

First, by the way, do you even know what Schizophrenia really is? If you don’t, then I suggest you don’t use it as an adjective to describe yourself. Actually don’t use it as an adjective at all. The same goes for “bipolar”, “psycho”, “retarded”, “depressed”, “panic attack”, and the other mental disorders. Mental illnesses are not a trend. You don’t use them as adjectives.

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Second, you are not obliged to be a fashion diva. You are allowed to have your own style. Yes, you can wear those leggings with those shoes if you like them this way. You are not forced to wear cropped tops and short shorts when you don’t feel comfortable in them. Just because some shops are too stupid to display varities of clothes doesn’t mean you have to wear what is displayed for you. You keep looking for that shop that screams, “This shop is your zone! Come in!”

Third, it’s your music. I know that deep down there you are hiding what kind of music you really like. So what if your entire class listens to the Top 40? If you want to be a metalhead or an oriental music enthusiast then go ahead! You do not have to listen to music that does not give you that special feeling.

Forth, you are nothing without your values and your brain. A pretty face is a bonus. You should know that being — according to society’s standards — pretty means nothing if you do not know any of life’s values such as generosity, kindness, love, empathy, and brotherhood, or know how to use your brain to get out of a situation. Do not base your worth on society’s standards. You are awesome and beautiful because you are yourself. Being/playing dumb is not something to be proud of, honestly.

Finally, you do not have to be an atheist if other people in your school are. If you want to believe, then who has the right to stop you? The matter of faith is something personal, and it’s a choice you make, and not others. Believing in Jesus as your Savior is not wrong, or “abnormal”  or “stupid” at all. Learn that, and there’s absolutely no shame in that.

I say it again, it’s absolutely normal to be different, and it’s not “weird” at all. On the contrary, being yourself is the key to success.