This One’s for You

This one’s for you; the one who is going through a tough time and is ready to give up,
The one who feels like nothing will ever go right again after making one mistake,
The one who has so much to offer the world, but remains silent and afraid of the comments and rejection of society,
The one who is silenced by fear and confusion,
The one who sees the beauty in people, even when people reveal nothing but their ugly sides,
To you.

I love you. I love your flaws and your remarkable features. I love that incredible mind of yours. You are beautiful, strong, and independent. It’s just an impossible period of time, not an impossible life.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy, do more of what brings serenity to your life, and smile more often. Happiness looks great on you, I’m sure of that. You are doing a wonderful job, and it’s only a matter of temporary stress, remember that.

Cheers.

Still Writing About You

I remember when I first met you…you were that attractive and happy person who was always smiling. I would repeatedly think about your smile, dreaming that I could be the reason behind it someday.

Then we started talking. We would talk for hours about things that made sense and things that didn’t. We’d discuss important issues and trivial matters. We just talked, losing track of the time we spent together.

The days went by, and we still talked. But, oddly, I felt empty. I found out you were close to someone else. You were as close to that person as you were to me, and I didn’t like it. Call me selfish, but I wanted to be the one you’d share you secrets with. And when you got in a fight with that other person, I was satisfied. However, other people came into your life, and you were so weak you just couldn’t resist letting them in. Other people found out about your hidden sensitive soul, and suddenly, I realized I wasn’t someone important anymore.

Now, I feel like you and I are drifting away from each other, and the only thing I could do is continue writing about you, hoping that someday you’d read my notes and realize that I was always there for you, longing for your love, fighting to get my special place in your life back.

— December 13th, 2001 —

Musical Favorites (Top 10)

Here is a list of my most favorite songs, with a little choice explanation. Picking a top 10 was the hardest thing ever, considering there are many amazing songs out there. The following songs made the cut nonetheless:

10. Whiskey Lullaby — Brad Paisley

If you know this song, you can probably understand why it gets me. It is one of the few songs that can genuinely pass on the sadness and the pain to the person listening.

“He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger, and finally drank away her memory. Life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength he had to get up off his knees. We found him with his face down in the pillow, with a note that said ‘I’ll love her till I die’. And when we buried him beneath the willow…the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.”

9. Hero — Enrique Iglesias

I just love this song so much because it talks about loyalty, wanting to be there for your lover, and wanting to be with the one you love forever.

“I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away.”

8. Here Without You — 3 Doors Down

BIG CLASSIC. This song never fails to depress me, I’m sorry. But I love it because of the lyrics and the emotions felt, and because the song expresses how much someone’s absence in our lives can affect us, mostly negatively.

“A hundred days have made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face. A thousand lies have made me colder, and I don’t think I can look at this the same. But all the miles that separate, disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face.” 

7. The Way — Jeremy Camp

You might know this, and you might not, but I’m a Christian believer. This song talks about Jesus, the Way, and about His Glory. Honestly, the lyrics, vocals, and the music, give me shivers down my spine.

“And Your glory shines all around us. Your faithfulness shown for all to see. When we think of all of Your wonders, the beauty of Your plan that’s been revealed, we walk in Your light, we walk in it. Shine bright, let Your glory fill this land. Lift high, the King of Kings and great I am…Jesus, You are the way.”

6. Perfect — P!nk

Yes, I know this isn’t the original song title, but I initially downloaded the radio edit version. What I love about this song is that it reflects the life of most teenagers (feeling unloved, mistaken, misunderstood, being laughed at etc) but it aims to tell people that no matter how society treats them, they are still worth a lot more.

“Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel like you’re less than, less than perfect. Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me.” 

5. Never Too Late — Three Days Grace

I’m going to quote Three Days Grace’s old vocalist for this one because it sums up everything: “This song is about feeling like you wanna give up on everything, it’s about feeling like you don’t really belong here anymore, and it’s about feeling like wanting to sort of end everything…but, really, this song is about not giving up at all.”

“Even if I say it’ll be alright, still I hear you say you want to end your life. Now and again we try to just stay alive. Maybe we’ll turn it all around ’cause it’s not too late, it’s never too late.” 

4. The Reason — Hoobastank

This song will be in my “Favorites” playlist for as long as I live because it’s absolutely perfect. The Reason discusses changing to the better for the person you love, and sort of demanding forgiveness for all the mistakes that have been made. THE EMOTIONS ARE REAL.

“I’m not a perfect person. There’s many things I wish I didn’t do, but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you, and so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know…I found a reason for me to change who I used to be.”

3. Cry Out to Jesus — Third Day

This song must be my all-time favorite worship song. Not only does it portray how amazing Jesus is, but it also urges each and every single one of us to seek and find refuge in Him, to ask for His help in times of sorrow and pain because He will make it better.

“There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, and love for the broken hearts. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing… He’ll meet you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus.” 

2. What a Shame — Shinedown

This song is a masterpiece. It talks about a man who killed himself because of a judgemental society. It tries to tell people that we are begging society to realize that we are all different and it shouldn’t judge people because of who they are, and yet it still does.

“What a shame, what a shame, to judge a life that you can’t change. The choir sings, the church bells ring, so won’t you give this man his wings? What a shame to have to beg you to see we’re not all the same. What a shame.”

1. Summer of ’69 — Bryan Adams

Those who know me certainly know that this is my favorite song. I guess the feelings of reminiscence in that song are powerful enough for me to want to listen to it 10 times in a row, and basically I love every second of it.

“And now the times are changing, look at everything that’s come and gone. Sometimes, when I play that ol’ six-string, I think about you, wonder what went wrong.”  

Reminder

I meet new people every day.

Maybe not new as in physically new, but every day I meet sides of people I had never met before. Recently, many of the people I know are revealing aspects of their personalities that are completely new to me, and the more I got to know them, the more I realized that they all have one thing in common; they all have something about them, a trademark.

What’s interesting is that this something is always there, and when it’s not, the person just looks or seems weird.

Let’s say you know a person who wears hats every day. When you see that person without a hat on, you’d look at them differently…maybe even tell yourself there’s something absolutely wrong.

Very trivial example, I know.

The point is, everyone has that characteristic that makes them special. It could be material objects or personality traits. You know, trademarks are what I like to pin-point about people. I think trademarks really say a lot about them. They could reveal a happy personality, an outgoing character, a mysterious aura etc.

Take me, for example. Some people say my trademark is my copybook organization, and I honestly agree.

Many of my teachers and friends have pointed it out, saying stuff like “No way you can’t be that tidy!” and staring at my almost-typified handwritten notes.
However, when people see my philosophy copybook…they can’t believe it belongs to me. I frankly can say that the level of untidiness in there exceeds 80%. And this basically backs up my previous remark; the absence of organization found in my philosophy copybook makes it hard to believe that I’m the one who wrote down the notes.

Now what I’d like to say is, no matter how eccentric your trademarks are, do not, under any circumstances, change to be like other people. If you are the I’ll-wear-orange-and-pink-to-work-today kind of person, and you like to be that kind of person, then be it! Just because people talk about how “weird” you are, or how “unusual” your hairstyle is, or how “stupid” you look today, doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself. [As long as you’re not hurting anyone] BE PROUD OF YOUR QUALITIES.

People get jealous, I’ve noticed it. They always have those “I’ll never be able to pull that off” and “I’ll never be able to do better than that” thoughts haunting them. So, instead of keeping their comments to themselves and dealing with their own issues, they try to change you by going directly to what makes you special.

The final lesson: we’re all going to die, so might as well die being ourselves and feeling like we’ve left a good impact somewhere or on someone. And if that positive impact is going to be left by my supposedly weird routines and traits, then why hide them?

Insecurities – 14th of January, 2002

I walk around saying I’m totally happy with myself, but the list of flaws I can deduce from my reflection in the mirror is somehow endless.

Truth is, I don’t know. I’m happy with myself but I’m not. It’s somewhere in-between. It’s a position I’m unable to define or make clearer.

Look at me. I have thick, ugly thighs. I sometimes wish the fat in my legs was some sort of stuffing I could take out whenever I wanted. My hair is weak and practically ruined, I’m pale as hell, my eyes are always red and exhausted, my figure is anything but lean, my acne is eating my face up, and my teeth are tied up by some ugly contraption people call braces.

I’m scared…scared the world would burst out laughing at me as soon as I step out of the house. I’m ashamed of walking next to my friends. They’re all so good-looking. So beautiful. Look at how they walk so well in heels, showing off their clear skin, feeling as fabulous as Sherri Hill models, and flipping their silky hair.

Of course, Mum says I’m the prettiest girl in the world, but who is she fooling?

Mum, the mirror doesn’t lie. I am the definition of ugly. No one wants to look at or talk to me. I’m so repulsive I’m surprised you haven’t “accidentally” locked the car and “accidentally” forgotten me in it.

But, Mum, how can this be? You’re such a beautiful woman whereas I’m a horrifying creature. I’m like Frankenstein. Maybe worse than Frankenstein.

I want to lose weight, but I can’t because I was born with fragile bones and breathing problems, so I can’t exercise much.

I want to take care of my skin and hair, but we can no longer afford acne medication and fancy hair products after Dad passed away.

It’s not your fault, Mum. We never asked to live that way.

I just wish I can start genuinely loving myself. Problem is, I’m extremely shy, pathetically awkward and really insecure. I’m 17 and I haven’t accomplished a single thing worth talking about because I’m shy and awkward. I spent my last two years in high school wearing baggy band shirts and baggy jeans, hoping they would hide all my layers of fat. I felt people laughing at me, whispering “look at that ugly shirt” to each other, and making faces behind my back.

I’ll never be anything, Mum. And all I can say is that I’m truly sorry. I want to apologize for turning into a disappointment.

August 27th, 2016

You know when you feel like you’re fighting for that one tiny place in someone’s life? When you feel selfish when it comes to that person? When you try your best to show that you’re always by that person’s side, but s/he chooses someone else?

How does that make you feel?

Now, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever said:

That place you’re fighting for may seem so precious to you, so you want to preserve it. The memories you’re striving for are the ones worth keeping. But, sadly, you’ll realize that, at many times, your presence in the other person’s life is not as relevant and important as you thought it was. The other person’s life would be the same…with or without you.

I know it hurts. Trust me. But you know, there’s always this tiny flame of hope. It’s that only living rose in a bouquet of dead roses…that one thing that keeps you going. It’s that little feeling of comfort that motivates you to keep fighting. That ounce of hope is there for a reason: to make you realize that the world doesn’t go on without you.

Take a moment. Breathe.

There are seven billion souls on this planet. There’s always going to be someone else, a new face. It’s not easy to pursue your daily routine with a hole in your heart, I know, but I promise you that there will always be someone who will love you, who will absentmindedly smile when s/he sees your face, and who will purposely make a safe place in his/her life for you to rest in.

Yes, people do change. One day you feel like you mean the world to them, and the other you feel like you never existed. It’s normal.

But what I want to say is step out of your surroundings and meet new people. Go find that friend or lover who makes you feel loved and appreciated. And most importantly, remain gentle and nice with the people who hurt you, not because you’re weak, but because you’d be the bigger person. They’ll realize that if they — purposely — hurt you, they were wrong, and if they didn’t hurt you on purpose, you would have given them a reason to want to start over.

So remember the following: be nice to everyone, smile, go on adventures, think wisely, and never let someone bring you down.

August 16th, 2016.

Okay so I’m here, right now, to write. About everything that’s going on in my mind at the moment.


For starters, I think that there’s much more to this life than what we give it credit for. I do. I mean, seriously, we always blame the universe for everything bad that has ever happened to us. We always look at the downsides of everything, and we can’t seem to realize all the good things that we encounter every. Single. Day. That man helping an elderly lady you saw the other day wasn’t just a normal instant. Doesn’t it push you to do good deeds? Well I may be giving you a very trivial example, but the -say- message is there. Life isn’t just here to stand in your way and make you feel like a failure. Okay, perhaps we all mess up, or we see that things didn’t go as planned; however, it won’t all be like that. I think we should all take a moment to look at all we’ve accomplished, all we were given, and all the blessings we have. If you haven’t made a difference yet, keep trying. Life won’t stand in the way of your devotion for long.

Another thing I’d like to talk about is the fact that no matter how many times I tell my close friends that we should always be honest to each other, I feel like there are things I just can’t talk about. Not because these certain matters are conspiratorial, or dangerous, but because there’s always this fear of the other person’s reaction. Will that person think I’m desperate? Or demanding attention? Will that person drift further away from me? I perpetually have this fright that the other person will end up even farther away from me than s/he was at the start. So, yeah, I keep some things to myself, and just accept them as they are. It’s a little sad, but I can’t really do anything about it.

One more thing is the negativity that seems to be widespread nowadays. Everyone is always tense, stressed, depressed, mad, loathsome, judgmental, and over-demanding. You find hate and criticism everywhere. On all social media. In schools. Everywhere. I’ve been a Twitter user since 2010, and I’d like to say that there is more hate and bullying on that network than you can imagine. In fact, rumors about Twitter getting shut down were circulating because of all the bullying. Just this morning, I read a series of tweets on the matter, and here’s what they say:  “I wish I had the time to start some sort of ‘campaign’ on social media where love and positivity are spread to kick all the hatred in the shins. So much hate and bullying and negativity need to change on here. The Internet is supposed to connect us together in good ways because I’ve come to the realization that even a tiny ounce of positivity can sometimes change your entire mindset for a few days or a week. Just imagine if there’s positivity at every corner of social media you look at. It would be inspiring, honestly.” (Mathew AJ)
We really need to free ourselves from all those negative vibes and start looking at the good things, start being better people, start putting others before ourselves, start working hard and helping others, and start keeping our smart comments to ourselves.

Lastly, I would like to talk about effort. Your endeavor never goes to waste. Failing is okay. You can always start over. Whether you’re putting effort in your studies, work, relationships, or goals, failure and disappointment shouldn’t be a problem. For example, this year has been the most exhausting year of my life (on the school and relationships levels). I was so caught up in maintaining my good grades that whenever they dropped, just a little bit, I broke down. But at the end of the year, I realized that my effort didn’t go to waste. After all, grades aren’t everything. Sure, mine were slightly less than my usual grades, but in the end they are excellent grades nonetheless. And when it came to relationships, I thought that putting too much effort in a friendship – as in remembering tiny details and always wishing the other person a nice day – was a wrong thing to do. Why do I have to be the nice one? Then I noticed that because I remember details and wish people a nice day, they feel at ease when they want to talk to me.

So, this was all I had in mind lately, aside from all the searching-for-a-college fuss. Keep a positive attitude, and keep blogging!