Reflections

There are a lot of things I thought of lately and I thought I should put them all in a post.

I have a friend who happens to be the most philosophical person I have ever met, and honestly, our conversations really are meaningful. So lately, I’ve been thinking about how everyone you know can change in maybe just a day. There are some people who are forced to leave to other places, so when you talk to them, you can feel a change. However, this doesn’t mean that what the two of you have has necessarily changed. You can still be the best of friends, just far apart. There are other people who meet other people and get affected by the people they meet, so you notice a shift in their behavior, whether it’s negative or positive. It was very clearly stated in a TV show!

  • Cory: “What’s the secret of life?”
    Maya: “people change people.”

So you see, people come and go, and I’ve been thinking that we’re all human beings at the end of the day, and we experience these things. We experience emotions and situations we’ve never felt and been in before, so it’s natural for us to go through a change of behavior. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to blame anyone for altering the way they act with me because there’s technically nothing I can do about it. I mean, I could talk about it once, twice, or ten times, but if the other person doesn’t understand or see it, then I shouldn’t bother trying anymore. The people who leave were never meant to stay in your life in the first place. What’s important to keep in mind is that no matter what, respect comes first. If a person you know disrespects you, you step away, cause this might be his/her first time, but it certainly won’t be the last if you don’t take action.

Another thing I’ve been reflecting on was how easy it is to get addicted to something as small as your phone. You know the golden rule: “stick to moderate”. I mean it’s insane how much time one can spend on his/her phone simply by scrolling through social media again and again! Five days ago, I decided to delete my Twitter because, first of all, my timeline’s been pretty boring…it’s a feed filled with the same memes, the same tweets, the same negativity (and surprisingly, it’s increasing), and the same regular complaints. When I deleted the app, I realized that first, it took waaaaay too much space on my phone, second, it totally drained my battery, and third, it took away all my time and focus! It’s insane. I remember taking 6 days off from social media and from my entire phone a few months back. It was a well-needed detox. But the issue here is that, not only is our level of productivity decreasing because we lose track of the time we spend using our phones, but also, we can’t seem to be able to live without it. When it comes to me, I panic if I forget my phone at home. It’s what they want. They want you to get hooked on whatever they offer you as features. So, I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s okay if I don’t check my phone all the time and if I delete a social media app etc. (I’ll update you if it goes well).

Furthermore, I’ve spoken to my philosophical friend about the education system here in Lebanon. The problem here is that students who attend private universities are paying way too much money, and many of them don’t understand what they’re paying for exactly. Students attending the American universities, specifically, here in Lebanon, have been complaining about the increasing tuition fees and the lack of financial aid granted. Can you imagine that they’re paying approximately 9,000$ per semester to get the education they want? And some of the services offered by the universities aren’t as good as they sound. Last week, the students at one of these universities started a protest to express their disapproval of another increase in tuition fees. My friend told me that they should’ve done that before, because the university apparently looks at the minority of their students – the ones who can actually afford to go to that university – without thinking of the rest. He also told me he was thinking of transferring to another college because it’s become too much. So here we can ask ourselves: is education really that expensive?

And lastly, I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of person that I am, and how I could ameliorate myself. You see, everyone has that personality trait that makes them go like

why-are-you-752x501

Am I right?

What I really want to change about myself is my inability to confront someone. At many times in my life, someone wanted me to do something I really didn’t want to do or did something in front of me that I didn’t approve of, and yet, I couldn’t get myself to tell that person that I was busy, didn’t want that thing, or what s/he was doing was wrong etc. Sometimes, I can’t even stand up for myself. I really want to build a stronger character and be able to fight/stand up for what I believe is right. I also don’t like how nice I am…kind of brings us back to what I just mentioned. Being too nice prevents me from standing up for myself. I need to fix that.

Moreover, I need to fix the whole awkwardness thing. I tend to stutter a lot, and at many times, I’m shy, awkward, and unsure of myself and my decisions. So, I’m going to try and boost my confidence.

This was all for this post, but I’m pretty sure that I’ll be back with some other reflections. What I want to tell you is that share your thoughts with other people because sometimes, exhausting your mind with a lot of thinking can be bad for you. It’s also important to discuss the issues in society and build strong opinions.
I also wish you a wonderful weekend, and hopefully you’ll help someone today. Until next time. x

Smile more!

 

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This One’s for You

This one’s for you; the one who is going through a tough time and is ready to give up,
The one who feels like nothing will ever go right again after making one mistake,
The one who has so much to offer the world, but remains silent and afraid of the comments and rejection of society,
The one who is silenced by fear and confusion,
The one who sees the beauty in people, even when people reveal nothing but their ugly sides,
To you.

I love you. I love your flaws and your remarkable features. I love that incredible mind of yours. You are beautiful, strong, and independent. It’s just an impossible period of time, not an impossible life.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy, do more of what brings serenity to your life, and smile more often. Happiness looks great on you, I’m sure of that. You are doing a wonderful job, and it’s only a matter of temporary stress, remember that.

Cheers.

Reminder

I meet new people every day.

Maybe not new as in physically new, but every day I meet sides of people I had never met before. Recently, many of the people I know are revealing aspects of their personalities that are completely new to me, and the more I got to know them, the more I realized that they all have one thing in common; they all have something about them, a trademark.

What’s interesting is that this something is always there, and when it’s not, the person just looks or seems weird.

Let’s say you know a person who wears hats every day. When you see that person without a hat on, you’d look at them differently…maybe even tell yourself there’s something absolutely wrong.

Very trivial example, I know.

The point is, everyone has that characteristic that makes them special. It could be material objects or personality traits. You know, trademarks are what I like to pin-point about people. I think trademarks really say a lot about them. They could reveal a happy personality, an outgoing character, a mysterious aura etc.

Take me, for example. Some people say my trademark is my copybook organization, and I honestly agree.

Many of my teachers and friends have pointed it out, saying stuff like “No way you can’t be that tidy!” and staring at my almost-typified handwritten notes.
However, when people see my philosophy copybook…they can’t believe it belongs to me. I frankly can say that the level of untidiness in there exceeds 80%. And this basically backs up my previous remark; the absence of organization found in my philosophy copybook makes it hard to believe that I’m the one who wrote down the notes.

Now what I’d like to say is, no matter how eccentric your trademarks are, do not, under any circumstances, change to be like other people. If you are the I’ll-wear-orange-and-pink-to-work-today kind of person, and you like to be that kind of person, then be it! Just because people talk about how “weird” you are, or how “unusual” your hairstyle is, or how “stupid” you look today, doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself. [As long as you’re not hurting anyone] BE PROUD OF YOUR QUALITIES.

People get jealous, I’ve noticed it. They always have those “I’ll never be able to pull that off” and “I’ll never be able to do better than that” thoughts haunting them. So, instead of keeping their comments to themselves and dealing with their own issues, they try to change you by going directly to what makes you special.

The final lesson: we’re all going to die, so might as well die being ourselves and feeling like we’ve left a good impact somewhere or on someone. And if that positive impact is going to be left by my supposedly weird routines and traits, then why hide them?

August 27th, 2016

You know when you feel like you’re fighting for that one tiny place in someone’s life? When you feel selfish when it comes to that person? When you try your best to show that you’re always by that person’s side, but s/he chooses someone else?

How does that make you feel?

Now, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever said:

That place you’re fighting for may seem so precious to you, so you want to preserve it. The memories you’re striving for are the ones worth keeping. But, sadly, you’ll realize that, at many times, your presence in the other person’s life is not as relevant and important as you thought it was. The other person’s life would be the same…with or without you.

I know it hurts. Trust me. But you know, there’s always this tiny flame of hope. It’s that only living rose in a bouquet of dead roses…that one thing that keeps you going. It’s that little feeling of comfort that motivates you to keep fighting. That ounce of hope is there for a reason: to make you realize that the world doesn’t go on without you.

Take a moment. Breathe.

There are seven billion souls on this planet. There’s always going to be someone else, a new face. It’s not easy to pursue your daily routine with a hole in your heart, I know, but I promise you that there will always be someone who will love you, who will absentmindedly smile when s/he sees your face, and who will purposely make a safe place in his/her life for you to rest in.

Yes, people do change. One day you feel like you mean the world to them, and the other you feel like you never existed. It’s normal.

But what I want to say is step out of your surroundings and meet new people. Go find that friend or lover who makes you feel loved and appreciated. And most importantly, remain gentle and nice with the people who hurt you, not because you’re weak, but because you’d be the bigger person. They’ll realize that if they — purposely — hurt you, they were wrong, and if they didn’t hurt you on purpose, you would have given them a reason to want to start over.

So remember the following: be nice to everyone, smile, go on adventures, think wisely, and never let someone bring you down.

August 16th, 2016.

Okay so I’m here, right now, to write. About everything that’s going on in my mind at the moment.


For starters, I think that there’s much more to this life than what we give it credit for. I do. I mean, seriously, we always blame the universe for everything bad that has ever happened to us. We always look at the downsides of everything, and we can’t seem to realize all the good things that we encounter every. Single. Day. That man helping an elderly lady you saw the other day wasn’t just a normal instant. Doesn’t it push you to do good deeds? Well I may be giving you a very trivial example, but the -say- message is there. Life isn’t just here to stand in your way and make you feel like a failure. Okay, perhaps we all mess up, or we see that things didn’t go as planned; however, it won’t all be like that. I think we should all take a moment to look at all we’ve accomplished, all we were given, and all the blessings we have. If you haven’t made a difference yet, keep trying. Life won’t stand in the way of your devotion for long.

Another thing I’d like to talk about is the fact that no matter how many times I tell my close friends that we should always be honest to each other, I feel like there are things I just can’t talk about. Not because these certain matters are conspiratorial, or dangerous, but because there’s always this fear of the other person’s reaction. Will that person think I’m desperate? Or demanding attention? Will that person drift further away from me? I perpetually have this fright that the other person will end up even farther away from me than s/he was at the start. So, yeah, I keep some things to myself, and just accept them as they are. It’s a little sad, but I can’t really do anything about it.

One more thing is the negativity that seems to be widespread nowadays. Everyone is always tense, stressed, depressed, mad, loathsome, judgmental, and over-demanding. You find hate and criticism everywhere. On all social media. In schools. Everywhere. I’ve been a Twitter user since 2010, and I’d like to say that there is more hate and bullying on that network than you can imagine. In fact, rumors about Twitter getting shut down were circulating because of all the bullying. Just this morning, I read a series of tweets on the matter, and here’s what they say:  “I wish I had the time to start some sort of ‘campaign’ on social media where love and positivity are spread to kick all the hatred in the shins. So much hate and bullying and negativity need to change on here. The Internet is supposed to connect us together in good ways because I’ve come to the realization that even a tiny ounce of positivity can sometimes change your entire mindset for a few days or a week. Just imagine if there’s positivity at every corner of social media you look at. It would be inspiring, honestly.” (Mathew AJ)
We really need to free ourselves from all those negative vibes and start looking at the good things, start being better people, start putting others before ourselves, start working hard and helping others, and start keeping our smart comments to ourselves.

Lastly, I would like to talk about effort. Your endeavor never goes to waste. Failing is okay. You can always start over. Whether you’re putting effort in your studies, work, relationships, or goals, failure and disappointment shouldn’t be a problem. For example, this year has been the most exhausting year of my life (on the school and relationships levels). I was so caught up in maintaining my good grades that whenever they dropped, just a little bit, I broke down. But at the end of the year, I realized that my effort didn’t go to waste. After all, grades aren’t everything. Sure, mine were slightly less than my usual grades, but in the end they are excellent grades nonetheless. And when it came to relationships, I thought that putting too much effort in a friendship – as in remembering tiny details and always wishing the other person a nice day – was a wrong thing to do. Why do I have to be the nice one? Then I noticed that because I remember details and wish people a nice day, they feel at ease when they want to talk to me.

So, this was all I had in mind lately, aside from all the searching-for-a-college fuss. Keep a positive attitude, and keep blogging!

 

A Conversation – II

“Nick! Wait for me!”

Jane was following Nick as he was madly walking in the street.

“I don’t want to talk right now, okay?” yelled Nick.

“Nicolas Joseph Dawson, stop right now!”

Nick stopped walking. I’m not really sure if that’s effect of hearing your full name being called out.

“Why are you so furious?” asked Jane.

“I’m sick of all of you. Each and every single one of you. You tell me to go and find the one I love, and when I do, none of you supports it.”

“Nick, stop. Stop yelling. I have something to tell you…”

“What the hell do you have to say?”

“I did try to pull you and Rosie apart. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“Why in the bloody hell would you do that?! You! Of all people!” screamed Nick.

“That’s because you were ignoring me you fucking jerk!”

“Me?! Ignoring you?! I would never!”

“Oh yeah? When I ask about your day and plans, or simply text you ‘good night’, you don’t answer?!”

Nick let his head go back and then drop forward. He let out a sigh.

“Jane, you know I’m busy…”

“Busy? Busy. Okay, so just tell me how about explaining to me that you’re busy instead of just leaving me hanging like that?!”

“Jane…”

“No, wait, I’m not done. I can’t believe you would do that. After six years of friendship and promises, that’s how you’re acting with me. Nick, I….I love you.

“Jane, Jane. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I didn’t think that it would bother you so much. I…”

She shut her eyes and said, “Of course you didn’t think it through.”

She tried to walk away, but Nick held her arm and turned her around. They were looking at each other, eye-to-eye.

“Let me finish. Jane, not talking to you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m so sorry. The thing is, Rosie is the jealous type. So I couldn’t make her feel unwanted. I really like her, so please understand what position I’m in. I’m so so sorry.”

Jane was speechless. Never had she thought Nick would be the kind of boyfriend who’d go out of his -say- way for someone else.

“It’s okay,” she finally said.

“I’ll try not to ignore you anymore. Friends don’t do that to each other. Best friends don’t do that to each other either, and they add hugs. Thank you for forgiving me. Come here.”

They hugged.

“I forgive you, yeah. But I still can’t believe you’d ignore me like that. You’ve never been so distant.”

“I can’t stand not talking to you or feeling like I’ve been replaced in your life,” said the inner voice inside her head. 

A Conversation

Jane Roberts, 17 years old.
Gwen Keller, the best friend, 17 years old.

Saturday, May 5th, 4:30 P.M.

“Jane,” said Gwen, “After I transferred to another school in California, I wasn’t able to keep up with the news.”

“What news?”

“You know, our ‘squad’s’ news. How’s everyone? Rebecca? Mike? Tracy? Nick?

Jane shrugged.

“Well,” she began, “We’re all fine. Tracy and Mitchel Turner have been a couple for almost two weeks now. Rebecca has finally joined the drama club and Nick is officially captain of the football team.”

“Speaking of Nick,” interrupted Gwen, “What a transformation! I didn’t recognize him! I mean now, without the poindexter glasses and after the insane acne treatment, he looks amazing.”

Jane contemplated the latte she had ordered  few minutes ago. She started twirling her spoon in the cup, and observed the swirly outcome.

“Jane? Jane! What? Jane!” Gwen was snapping her fingers.

“What?!”

“I started talking to you about this cool new clothing store down the block but you weren’t listening. What’s wrong?”

Jane could feel her heart racing.

“Nothing, nothing. My swirly latte is pretty…mesmerizing.”

Did you really think a girl would be able to fool her best friend?

“Tell me.”

Jane bit her lip and finally confessed, “Okay. The thing is Nick has a crush on Rosie, the new girl. He’s been talking to her most of the time…”

“He likes someone? That’s adorable!” exclaimed Gwen.

“Yeah, adorable. Anyway, you know that Nick is also my best friend. He’s been so distant lately. He won’t tell me what’s wrong, he’s always looking at his phone when I’m talking to him, he never shuts up about Rosie, recently he’s only been talking to me about all ‘Rosie’s girly acts’ that he can’t seem to understand, he’s really cold and dull whenever we’re having a conversation, he sees my messages but doesn’t answer and basically he’s ignoring me.”

Gwen wiped away her grin.

“Oh, my. But as his best friend you should be supportive of his likes and dislikes and interests…unless, you know, you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. I’m just really upset that this girl is coming between us, that she is his prio…heck. Nick has never been so distant with me. He’s barely talking to me these days and I don’t like it. How rude are you to see a message but not answer?!”

“Jane, calm down.”

“Sorry. But when I ran into Rosie in the hallway, I bumped into Tony Parker and dropped my books. She picked them up for me. She’s really nice, and just after she walked with me till the end of the hallway, she told me that Nick’s been trusting her a lot, and he shared with her whatever he had to share.”

Gwen grinned again.

“Ohhhhh. So that’s what’s bothering you! He’s sharing his happy thoughts and discussing his problems with someone else.”

“I don’t know, Gwen. That used to be us. We used to talk about everything and now we’re not. The worst part of the story is realizing how hurt I am. So, I’m trying my best to always stick by his side. More than Rosie. More than anyone else. I’ll admit it…I’m fighting the hardest for a tiny leftover place in his life.”