Controlled

It’s been a while since I last shared some of my drawings here. 

I’ve been looking at other people’s drawings on Instagram and Facebook and I saw that some of these drawings have a deep meaning behind them; things concerning society and culture. 

I’ve sketched two drawings really quickly the other night and I thought I should share them with you. 


The first drawing (if you can tell) was inspired by the idea that “skinny” is people’s, and especially young girls’, goal. The man is being suffocated by the waistband, even though he’s gotten too skinny to the point where his ribs are showing. 

The second drawing is pretty obvious. Our emotions, as well as society’s standards and criticism, control us. We are like puppets succumbing to the desires of society and to our emotions and feelings. The hardest thing for a puppet is to come alive and break free. 

I’ll make sure to post more drawings from now on…so many things I want to share with you. Until next time, create and keep blogging. 

August 27th, 2016

You know when you feel like you’re fighting for that one tiny place in someone’s life? When you feel selfish when it comes to that person? When you try your best to show that you’re always by that person’s side, but s/he chooses someone else?

How does that make you feel?

Now, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever said:

That place you’re fighting for may seem so precious to you, so you want to preserve it. The memories you’re striving for are the ones worth keeping. But, sadly, you’ll realize that, at many times, your presence in the other person’s life is not as relevant and important as you thought it was. The other person’s life would be the same…with or without you.

I know it hurts. Trust me. But you know, there’s always this tiny flame of hope. It’s that only living rose in a bouquet of dead roses…that one thing that keeps you going. It’s that little feeling of comfort that motivates you to keep fighting. That ounce of hope is there for a reason: to make you realize that the world doesn’t go on without you.

Take a moment. Breathe.

There are seven billion souls on this planet. There’s always going to be someone else, a new face. It’s not easy to pursue your daily routine with a hole in your heart, I know, but I promise you that there will always be someone who will love you, who will absentmindedly smile when s/he sees your face, and who will purposely make a safe place in his/her life for you to rest in.

Yes, people do change. One day you feel like you mean the world to them, and the other you feel like you never existed. It’s normal.

But what I want to say is step out of your surroundings and meet new people. Go find that friend or lover who makes you feel loved and appreciated. And most importantly, remain gentle and nice with the people who hurt you, not because you’re weak, but because you’d be the bigger person. They’ll realize that if they — purposely — hurt you, they were wrong, and if they didn’t hurt you on purpose, you would have given them a reason to want to start over.

So remember the following: be nice to everyone, smile, go on adventures, think wisely, and never let someone bring you down.

August 16th, 2016.

Okay so I’m here, right now, to write. About everything that’s going on in my mind at the moment.


For starters, I think that there’s much more to this life than what we give it credit for. I do. I mean, seriously, we always blame the universe for everything bad that has ever happened to us. We always look at the downsides of everything, and we can’t seem to realize all the good things that we encounter every. Single. Day. That man helping an elderly lady you saw the other day wasn’t just a normal instant. Doesn’t it push you to do good deeds? Well I may be giving you a very trivial example, but the -say- message is there. Life isn’t just here to stand in your way and make you feel like a failure. Okay, perhaps we all mess up, or we see that things didn’t go as planned; however, it won’t all be like that. I think we should all take a moment to look at all we’ve accomplished, all we were given, and all the blessings we have. If you haven’t made a difference yet, keep trying. Life won’t stand in the way of your devotion for long.

Another thing I’d like to talk about is the fact that no matter how many times I tell my close friends that we should always be honest to each other, I feel like there are things I just can’t talk about. Not because these certain matters are conspiratorial, or dangerous, but because there’s always this fear of the other person’s reaction. Will that person think I’m desperate? Or demanding attention? Will that person drift further away from me? I perpetually have this fright that the other person will end up even farther away from me than s/he was at the start. So, yeah, I keep some things to myself, and just accept them as they are. It’s a little sad, but I can’t really do anything about it.

One more thing is the negativity that seems to be widespread nowadays. Everyone is always tense, stressed, depressed, mad, loathsome, judgmental, and over-demanding. You find hate and criticism everywhere. On all social media. In schools. Everywhere. I’ve been a Twitter user since 2010, and I’d like to say that there is more hate and bullying on that network than you can imagine. In fact, rumors about Twitter getting shut down were circulating because of all the bullying. Just this morning, I read a series of tweets on the matter, and here’s what they say:  “I wish I had the time to start some sort of ‘campaign’ on social media where love and positivity are spread to kick all the hatred in the shins. So much hate and bullying and negativity need to change on here. The Internet is supposed to connect us together in good ways because I’ve come to the realization that even a tiny ounce of positivity can sometimes change your entire mindset for a few days or a week. Just imagine if there’s positivity at every corner of social media you look at. It would be inspiring, honestly.” (Mathew AJ)
We really need to free ourselves from all those negative vibes and start looking at the good things, start being better people, start putting others before ourselves, start working hard and helping others, and start keeping our smart comments to ourselves.

Lastly, I would like to talk about effort. Your endeavor never goes to waste. Failing is okay. You can always start over. Whether you’re putting effort in your studies, work, relationships, or goals, failure and disappointment shouldn’t be a problem. For example, this year has been the most exhausting year of my life (on the school and relationships levels). I was so caught up in maintaining my good grades that whenever they dropped, just a little bit, I broke down. But at the end of the year, I realized that my effort didn’t go to waste. After all, grades aren’t everything. Sure, mine were slightly less than my usual grades, but in the end they are excellent grades nonetheless. And when it came to relationships, I thought that putting too much effort in a friendship – as in remembering tiny details and always wishing the other person a nice day – was a wrong thing to do. Why do I have to be the nice one? Then I noticed that because I remember details and wish people a nice day, they feel at ease when they want to talk to me.

So, this was all I had in mind lately, aside from all the searching-for-a-college fuss. Keep a positive attitude, and keep blogging!

 

People

They’re just bundles of love and hate. Bundles of confusion. People are a mixture of emotions incapable of being explained.

They’re very confusing, the people.

Many are the ones who wish you success and happiness, but once you get them, they want to knock you down. They get jealous and greedy way too easily. They can’t stand the fact that you’ve attained what you’ve given a hell-load of effort to reach.

Many are the ones who pretend to be someone they’re not just so they can find their way into other people’s lives. The question we can ask ourselves here is: is it really worth it? Are those people so alone and left out to the point of turning into someone who isn’t them?

***

They’re very confusing, the people.

They impose standards for beauty and intellect, yet they curse these standards. You hear them walking around, screaming “SOCIETY KILLED THE TEENAGER”, but they kill themselves to live up to those standards. Maybe society did kill the teenager, but what are you doing about it?

-Some things being said-

  1. It’s okay to have some extra weight, but it’s definitely better to be skinny and enjoy that thigh gap. So no, fat isn’t pleasant.
  2. It’s okay to want to go out looking natural, but it’s better to wear makeup and avoid revealing our skin flaws. So, no natural face. You look sick anyway.
  3. It’s okay to be from a different religion, but I don’t “mingle” with Muslims. So, no. We can’t be friends.

There’s a lot more.

Let me tell you one thing. Or three.

  1. When it comes to weight, skinny or fat isn’t the issue. Your goal must be “Healthy”. Being skinny doesn’t always mean you’re healthy. Skinny doesn’t always mean happy. So if you do have some extra weight, I won’t push you to diet (it’s your choice), but I suggest reaching the “healthy” phase. We don’t want you to be stick-thin. 
  2. When it comes to makeup, it’s a choice. Whether she wants to leave the house with a natural face or whether she wants to cake herself. Leave her alone.
  3. Lastly, don’t base your opinion about an entire religion on a small group of insane monsters who supposedly defend their “religious beliefs”.

***

They’re highly perplexing, the people.

They fall so easily, and become so vulnerable. But they hide their feelings behind a smile.

They expect others to love them endlessly, yet not all of these people love back.

They chase the ones who don’t love them, and they ignore the ones who’d take a bullet for them.

They tell you to pursue any career you want, but they always find the drawbacks to whatever you choose.

They want to succeed, but they step on the hard-workers to get what they want.

They want a non-corrupted nation, yet they let the stupid sectarianism lead their actions.

They want to be open-minded, yet they judge and criticize whatever does not match their way of thinking.

Humans. Always so bemusing.

Honestly, I believe there’s much more to this life than what we give it credit for. Life is an odyssey, really. Is this how we’re supposed to live? Puzzling? Evil? Miserable? Jealous? Broken?

I honestly don’t know. We can’t live as “neutral and passive”. Our challenge is living  otherwise. Since we’re all going to die, might as well die being good people.

Do good deeds, help one another, love one another, have fun more often, hold your head up, and put a proud smile on your face.

We can be good people.

Solitude

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

 

— Ella Wheeler Wilcox

December 29th, 2012 — Cancer

He could feel his body slowly giving up. As he laid there, waiting for the radiations to hit hard, he closed his eyes. And suddenly, he saw a light. He saw himself blinded by that luminous light. In that vision, he screamed, “No! No, this cannot be the end! God! Is that You? No! It’s too early!” and he woke up, alarmed. The nurse came in a rush and asked him what was wrong, then said that the radiation was postponed due to technical difficulties, and that he was going to be taken back to his room.

It was ten o’clock, P.M.

He laid there, oblivious of the time, and he examined his surrounding, himself. He started calculating how much time he still had left, and froze. He knew his time was limited, but he was too fatigued to stand up, or do anything.

“Soon, I will be gone. Mother will be crying. Father wouldn’t care, perhaps. Or maybe he would, I don’t know. Oh, Mother! I’m sorry. Terribly sorry. I’m sorry I never became someone important. This is my life. I’m living an old and decaying man. I apologize for not doing anything, ever, that made you look at me with pride in your eyes. And, Father, I apologize for not being the son you’ve always dreamt of. I am not the manager of an international company. I am a simple elementary school teacher, and you know that was all I was able to accomplish. But don’t worry, once I’m gone, I won’t be your burden anymore. Good for you, I’ll be gone soon.”

Tears filled up his eyes, anger and pain filled up his heart. No, this couldn’t be the end. He didn’t want to die like this. He refused to die frail and swollen up in this cold hospital…

…but at that moment he looked at the mirror hung on the wall. He saw an obscure reflection of a man whose hair had abadoned him, whose hands were thin and bony, whose eyes teared up every few minutes, whose body would collapse and vanish any day from now. It could take months, it could take weeks, it could take days, it could be tomorrow.

“Now that I think about it…I don’t know why it’s worth living any longer, God. I haven’t done a single thing worth talking about, except staying alive, which I’m failing at slowly right now, God. I graduated, studied some literature, and taught a group of ungrateful brats. My mother never talked about me in public, my father sometimes forgot me in the car. They were ashamed of me. I wasn’t like Kevin, the neighbor, who was so great. Of course, he’s the CEO of a big company, and he’s rich, and healthy,” he thought.

“I never had anyone’s support, except my best friend Sam’s, who now lives in France,” he mumbled.

That was the moment when I heard my name. “Jeremy,” said the voice, and it was rather familiar. “Look at me, Jeremy. Look right.”

The blurry reflection of my body was calling my name. I must be dying.

“Jeremy, look at us. I, Jeremy, have failed you. I have failed to let you be whoever you wanted to be.”

I must be dying. Yet, I was puzzled. Was I apologizing to myself?

“Look, Jeremy. This is not a life, I know. We didn’t have that many friends. We only had Sam. We didn’t get married. We didn’t make anyone proud. Our hair is gone, our eyes are red, our skin is pale, our soul is exhausted, our body is weary. This is good bye, Jeremy. For you and for me. But, to keep a positive mind, I say that when it’s time for others, if any, to say good bye to us, they will be many.”

January 16th, 2012.

Mother was in a black dress with a handkerchief in hand, Father and Sam were in black suits and black ties.

Sam looked around, and asked, “Mr. Parks? Who are these people?”

Father had no idea, nor did Mother.

“We are gathered here today, to pay our respects to Jeremy Parks who…”

A man came up to Father and said that he was the head of an organization that helps children in need. This man had explained that Jeremy helped with the kids every Saturday during his free time, and the kids loved him. These children had cancer, just like Jeremy. He connected with them, and they always sang and played together.

“Mr. Parks, the kids and I are all here today to pay our respects to our beloved Jeremy, who warmed everyone’s heart”, said the man.

Jeremy was someone important. Jeremy was the idol of 20 kids who had no one to love, no families to take them back.

Jeremy may be physically gone, but in the hearts of kids he will always remain.

Tree

One little seed
Grew up,
Unaware of what it would be,
Or even look like
Just providing what we need.

It grew up and bloomed gracefully,
Life was fruitful, painted colorfully,
It was always there,
Offering care, shadow and refuge
To every cold and broken soul

But you know, no one really cares
They grab it by the arms,
Get it on its knees,
Cut open its skin,
Until it lies down, shivering and thin

The story of my life;
Seeking to be the best I can be,
Giving out whatever I owned
Trying to be there for the alone
And never taking back

But you know, no one really cares
They grabbed the arms of my soul
They sought to destroy it
And eventually destroy me

And bit-by-bit I fell down
Shivering, frail, and weak
And this was my story
Started out well,
Faced a horrible demise.