A New Me

It’s crazy how a few days can really change a person. I sat with my dad the other day and we had a discussion about my “transformation”.

As some of you may already know, this is my first year in college. We’re already 2 months through the semester, and I believe these two months were enough to mold me into a different person. You see, at school, I had always been a good student…but I used to stress a lot. For as far back as I can remember (probably going back to like 9th grade), I was the kind of student who would stay up late at night revising, just to make sure I didn’t leave anything out. I would explain things to my friends and revise every single example. I was always tired at school; I didn’t get the 8.5 hours of sleep I needed.

Also, my relationship with God had its ups and downs. Well there were those times when I would talk to God only to ask Him for something. It was until the last two years that I’ve learned that no, I shouldn’t ask God for things that are just for my own needs, nor tell Him what He should do. Last year, I passed to the school’s chapel every morning and prayed. It really made my mornings like-able.

And lastly, the last 2 years were really the most stressful years of my life…on an emotional level. As I mentioned previously, I used to stress a lot because of my studies and now add to that the emotional burden I carried with me throughout my last two years at school. For those of you who have been following my posts on this blog, you have probably noticed that I’d written a lot of very sad and depressing posts. The kind of emotional stress I was dealing with wasn’t related to my family in any way, thankfully, but more to my friends. Well, technically, to the way I imagined things with my friends should be.

So here is where I tell you that I have made a few decisions.

First of all, I have decided to throw everything that has to do with my academic past at school behind me and start from zero. I have decided to adapt a new method of studying that involves studying as much as possible on a daily basis. It’s going almost perfectly so far, with a few exceptions of course. I have also decided to try (as much as possible) not to stress. Stress kills motivation. Stress kills focus. Stress kills will. Stress kills energy. Stress is horrible. I don’t want it anymore. I won’t lie to you though; there were times when I DID stress out, but they lasted a few minutes. Good job, Maria. It’s what I like to call progress.

Furthermore, my goal is to do my best. I’m doing everything my professors are asking me to do, I’m studying well, I’m doing well, and that’s more than satisfying. No stress, no “pseudo all-nighters”, no uncontrollable coffee consumption.

Also recently, I’ve made another decision. I have decided to be happy. I have always been a very happy and actually a very innocent person. So, obviously, that period of sadness in my life was really tough for me because I had never felt so down in my life before. As we say it in Arabic, “nafsiyyete kenet bel ared” and this means, in a way, that I felt extremely down and was negative about almost everything. To tell you the truth, I had imagined things. Remember how I said I imagined how things with my friends should be? I always had this fear that my friends would leave me. I always had this doubt about being a friend worth keeping or not. Now I look back and say, “Hey. You’re wrong to think that way. You’re a good friend. You were there for your friends when they needed you, and it’s all that matters. You’re a little clingy, but you can work on it.” I am done with delusions. I learned that people will love you for who you are, and the ones who leave were never meant to stay in the first place. So here is where I made a change: I deleted all my sad posts from this blog, and turned this whole thing back to its original purpose which was to write down my thoughts on a certain social problem, or share my experiences and ideas with you.

And lastly, I am working on my relationship with God. See, in my university, we have this small chapel. The situation on the roads in Lebanon is so good to the point where I got stuck in extreme traffic every morning, but that was until I decided to leave very early. Anyway, leaving super early in the morning led to arriving super early to university which gave me the chance to go to the chapel and talk to God.  I’m going to be honest with you and say that my daily 15 minutes of prayer make it easier for me to face the day. I’ve learned to say that whatever happens, I’m still blessed, and honestly it’s what’s most important. God has given me so much, and I’m thankful.

I’d like to add that yes, my major is exhausting and I’m kind of overloaded with work to do, but I’m enjoying it. And I love my university.

I hope that my enthusiasm will persist the way it is now, and that my relationships with my friends will last. I’m a new person now. I’m an adult, I’m independent, I have what it takes, I’m in the choir and the blood donation club, I’m blessed, and I’m happy.  I say do a little soul-searching and see if there are any decisions that need to be taken. Until next time. x

Smile more!

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New Beginnings

We can put it all behind us.

There is no need to spend the summer miserable, thinking of what we could’ve done. There is no need to remember all the tears that have been wasted on people who made us feel bad or unimportant. There is no need to remember that our high school crushes actually never liked us back. There is no need to think of all the failed tests, or all the negative attitudes of others, or all the jealousy that has been born, or all the drama that has been created over the past years.

High school is officially over. I graduated. It’s all behind me now.

I would like to thank my parents and friends for always sticking by my side and for reminding me that failure will never define who we are. They played a big part in molding me into the person I am today.

All I can hope for is a promising future, and a bright college experience.

 

April 30th, 2017

I believe I have gathered enough “life lessons” to write a decent inspiring post.

I would like to begin by telling you that no matter how tough the obstacles you’re facing might seem, and no matter how impossible you think life’s being at the moment, it’s important to remember that time always makes things better. When you give things time, without trying to interfere every now-and-then, things eventually get better. Time offers people the chance to look back on whatever has happened. For example, if two friends had an argument, the logical thing to do would be for one of them to apologize. The problem in many cases is that none of the people involved in the argument accepts to admit that s/he is wrong. However, if this is the case, I suggest that each person gives things some time, because the others would still he enraged, and having a discussion with someone who’s mad never goes far. Give the others 2-3 days to calm down (and don’t bring up the subject before then), and that is when you can try to fix things. Time heals.

Another thing I would like to talk about is learning to not be selfish. And by that I don’t mean selfish as in not giving others anything, but as wanting your favorite people only to yourself. Let me elaborate because I am haunted the most by that bad trait. My best friend and I talk every day, and I introduced that friend to my other friends and I was completely cool. But with the years, I started feeling like my best friend and my other friends clicked so well and I had no place in my best friend’s life anymore (yes, maybe I’m overdramatizing it). The sad part is that I started blaming myself for introducing my best friend to other people! The thing I want to tell you is that people can’t be yours. We would love it if they could, but they can’t. And perhaps it’s all in your head. I’m pretty sure your best friends love you a lot (and I do mean a lot) but you have to give them their space! I know it hurts to see your best friend and other friends bonding so well, when you know it’s what you and your best friend always had, but that’s life, and you can’t really stop it. It definitely hurts, and I get it, but you can’t go up to the person and say “hey, no talking to anybody else but me.” 

The last “lesson” I want to mention goes as follows: 

Never, ever, under any circumstances, think that everyone is better than you are. Certainly there are people who are smarter, prettier, or funnier than you are but that doesn’t mean that everyone is better than you are. I am 100% sure that you are extraordinary, that you have a gift the people who are prettier/smarter/funnier would die to have! You are incredible just the way you are, and somewhere out there is someone who will think that you are nothing less than phenomenal. 

That was it for this post, and I would like to tell all the fellow readers out there that  yes, I do talk to you like I’ve had my entire life figured out, but in reality I don’t. Obviously. But these are things you are taught and things you learn every day of your life, and spreading morals and life lessons is actually a good way to grow and turn to the better. Never settle for less than what you deserve, learn to live and be happy even if it takes time, give without taking, love unconditionally, forgive the haters, forgive your mistakes, and keep blogging. 

Quick Reminder

It’s been a while since I last posted anything, but I’ve been really busy lately. Between school activities, extracurriculars, my studies, and family commitments, it’s hard to find the correct time to blog and to actually think and write. 

I won’t blabber much. I’m just here to tell you a thing or two. First of all, the most essential thing in life is to always be there for the people who need you. When someone needs a shoulder to cry on, be there for that person. When a friend needs to take a load off his/her chest, be the one who listens. The feeling of serenity you’ll feel afterwards is beyond satisfying. Not only have you helped someone out, directly or indirectly, but you’ve also been able to achieve inner peace. 

Also, be thankful for what you have. Lately, I made a decision to stop complaining and learn to accept and be happy with what I have. It worked fine the first week, so I’m trying to make it a lifestyle. Be thankful for your friends. At least I know I am. My friends are incredible, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. Be thankful for your family. No bond is stronger than the one that connects a man and a woman to their children. Family is irreplaceable. And lastly, instead of focusing on the negatives, learn to embrace the positives. 

That’s all I have to say. Put a smile on your face, be good to others, and be kind. You’re awesome, remember that. 

August 27th, 2016

You know when you feel like you’re fighting for that one tiny place in someone’s life? When you feel selfish when it comes to that person? When you try your best to show that you’re always by that person’s side, but s/he chooses someone else?

How does that make you feel?

Now, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever said:

That place you’re fighting for may seem so precious to you, so you want to preserve it. The memories you’re striving for are the ones worth keeping. But, sadly, you’ll realize that, at many times, your presence in the other person’s life is not as relevant and important as you thought it was. The other person’s life would be the same…with or without you.

I know it hurts. Trust me. But you know, there’s always this tiny flame of hope. It’s that only living rose in a bouquet of dead roses…that one thing that keeps you going. It’s that little feeling of comfort that motivates you to keep fighting. That ounce of hope is there for a reason: to make you realize that the world doesn’t go on without you.

Take a moment. Breathe.

There are seven billion souls on this planet. There’s always going to be someone else, a new face. It’s not easy to pursue your daily routine with a hole in your heart, I know, but I promise you that there will always be someone who will love you, who will absentmindedly smile when s/he sees your face, and who will purposely make a safe place in his/her life for you to rest in.

Yes, people do change. One day you feel like you mean the world to them, and the other you feel like you never existed. It’s normal.

But what I want to say is step out of your surroundings and meet new people. Go find that friend or lover who makes you feel loved and appreciated. And most importantly, remain gentle and nice with the people who hurt you, not because you’re weak, but because you’d be the bigger person. They’ll realize that if they — purposely — hurt you, they were wrong, and if they didn’t hurt you on purpose, you would have given them a reason to want to start over.

So remember the following: be nice to everyone, smile, go on adventures, think wisely, and never let someone bring you down.

Thoughts

— Random thoughts ahead —

Just once, I want someone to tell me how much I mean to him/her. You see, I tend to always remind people of how important they are to me.

when I receive no messages all day, I realize how busy everyone is, how I’m always the one who starts the conversations, and how I force people into conversation. That sucks.

It’s sad to see that I’m ready to cross the desert for someone who wouldn’t cross the backyard on a hot summer day for me.

I want to sit by the beach at night and have deep conversations with someone. Anyone.

I want to gather all my closest friends and sit on the roof with them while listening to good music.

Someday, I’ll turn my bedroom into my own art studio.

Honestly, I noticed how happy people get when I compliment them or remind them of how awesome they are. I should do that more often.

I want people to know how much I love and care.

Damn, I look good today.

I love people who hug you tightly like there’s no one watching.

Every girl needs a guy best friend.

I want to be more self-confident, and even though I am getting there, looking at my flaws makes me believe I’ll never make it.

People who don’t leave you hanging without any reason are people who deserve warm hugs and respect.

I think you know how much I care about you and how valuable you are to me, I just hope you feel the same way.

I really need to make some good plans before summer ends.

Warm hugs are the best.

People are very confusing. I wish there were some way to make things clearer and make words easier to say.

Sometimes, I’m in that “feelings? No, thanks.” mood.

Meet new people. It’s good for you.

God, I want to take a moment to thank You for absolutely everything. My life, my family, my friends, my talents and Your eternal love and forgiveness.

 

 

Situations Song Lyrics Sometimes Put Us Into

I’m sure all of you got bored in class at a lot of times and then scribbled some random song lyrics on your copybook, desk or empty piece of paper.

Concerning my adventures with song lyrics, well, they are quite entertaining. Or not.

Once during an exam back in middle school, I decided to grab my scratch paper and wrote down “It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.” (Fergie lyrics)

A little later, I handed in my exam and threw that scratch paper in the garbage (the recycling bin for papers).

Then, it was time for my second exam, and as I sat there all focused, the supervising teacher grabbed the paper from the recycling bin and said, “Hey. It’s okay to cry. Someone wrote “big girls don’t cry” on this piece of paper and I just wanted to say that everyone cries, even big girls, and it’s okay to cry.”

Thanks for the lecture, really. Those are three precious minutes from my exam duration that I will never get back.

Again in middle school, I used to write a lot of song lyrics on my copybooks. In fact, there was a copybook that had a page full of song lyrics. And some doodles. Also, my friends wanted to start a band back then and asked me to design their logo, so it went on there too.

I know what you’re all thinking. It’s a copybook I rarely used.

So anyway, I was looking through it when our teacher, who happens to be a priest, asked to see it. Naturally, I shook my head right and left hoping he would leave me alone, but he snatched it from my hands. He opened to the band logo page and gave me this horrified look (the logo included demon wings). He then landed on the page full of song lyrics, and said to me, “And who are these written for, Maria?” so I tried to explain that those were song lyrics and not actual feelings or poetry of any sort, but all he said to me was, “Mhmmmmm.”

And…Oh. My. God. I remember writing My Chemical Romance lyrics on my chemistry copybook once in ninth grade, and at the end of the year my teacher asked if he could take it with him so he could keep the notes he gave us. And I immediately gave it to him. Funny part is that I had completely forgotten what else was written on there. I never knew what his reaction was after he saw “I DON’T LOVE YOU LIKE I DID YESTERDAY” written in some large bold font.

And, by the way, do you ever just tweet really sad song lyrics but ones that aren’t that known so people reply back asking if everything’s okay? Yeah, happens a lot.

Notice: song lyrics could be posted intentionally when you’re online to pass you an indirect message. Beware, some people might be directing really mean lyrics at you. On places where everyone can see.

There are lot of other events in my life that I’ll probably be talking about later on. Until then, I hope you learn to never write song lyrics anywhere but on social media (it’s for the best), and I also hope you enjoyed this little post. Keep blogging!