A Thought or Many

There I was. Water was pouring heavily all over my body. I wish it were able to clean more than just my outer shell.

I was alone with just my thoughts. And so it all began.

Water droplets streamed racing down my back as I thought. I sat there, head between my knees, and that’s when things struck. The voice inside my head whispered:

You are no good. Everyone is doing and performing better than you are. Everyone is smarter than you are. Everyone is prettier than you are. Everyone is loved more than you are. They all laugh at you. Ha! Ha! HA! 

“STOP IT!” I screamed. But it didn’t do me any good.

You suck, man. 

The water kept drizzling.

The longer I sat there, the more I thought about how useless my existence was.

Will I ever be happy and at ease with myself? Will I ever stop comparing myself to others and craving what I don’t have? Is this the dark part of me that had always existed?

The power went off.

I stopped the water, and all I could hear was the sound of the droplets dripping from my hair. Drip. My heart pounded faster as a result of the rhythmic dripping. And the voice was directly back.

Quit telling yourself that you’ll one day shine like the rest of them. Might as well get used to living miserably in everyone’s shadow.

“Go away!” I screamed again.

I immediately dried myself up, and rushed to my room as soon as the power went back on.

They say that your best thoughts come to you when you take a shower.

They lied.

I sat there, in my cold and abandoned room, all wrapped in my worn out bathing robe, and I looked around. Everything was so ugly. Man-made creations were ugly. Kind of like myself. And not just on the outside. Everything was laughing at me.

Oh my God, that’s it! Stop!

The power went off, again. I couldn’t see anything around me, and I oddly felt better. Relieved. It was actually kind of comforting to not see the horrific objects pointing their imaginary fingers at me. I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror either. My poor and frail reflection was gone. My bad thoughts had disappeared.

Wait. The voice. Even the voice was gone!

The strangest part of all of this situation was that even if the power wasn’t restored yet, I enjoyed the darkness.

I wondered. Who knew…that obscurity could turn into your safe haven?

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