Pressure and Confusion

School, college, work, future: what my life is basically revolving around at the moment.

The truth is, I don’t know.
I don’t freaking know. I know nothing. One moment I believe and say that I can do it, but then I just crush my hopes and determination.

At one instant I say that medicine is all I want to do, but at the other I ask myself, “Am I good enough for it?”

At one point, I adore the eleventh grade scientific section, but at the other I hate it.

It’s only the beginning, I know. But how well can I go through it? I believe that I have what it takes, but I also somehow believe that I don’t. I’ve been an excellent student my entire life, and I still am. However, there’s always that part of me that doubts my own capabilities. What if I don’t get the required grades that would get me into medschool? What if I choose the wrong college? What if I’m doing it all wrong?

And don’t even get me started with the pressure I’m beginning to face, at the very beginning of the bloody academic year. I already have numerous tests and I have already been bombarded with God knows how many projects to do and present. I’ve barely been in school for three weeks. Three weeks. I still haven’t gotten into the whole studying ambiance and I have no clue about how long it will take me to get back on track.

Everything is happening so fast, and my only struggle is trying to make it work and balance between school and decisions. It’s a fight with time. I don’t have the time, or do I? Maybe, I have no answers.

I just need to believe in myself. I’ve made it this far, and I shouldn’t back down. But how easy will it be? That, I have to figure out.

Who will I be? And will I like it?

Until then, questions remained unanswered.


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